Giving Back: An Interview with Ms. Holloman

Isaac J

Could you tell me about your childhood? Where did you grow up?

Ms. H

From Kindergarten to 8th grade, I was living in Altadena, California.

Isaac J

How did you come to experience homelessness?

Ms.H

It was the year of 2006, a little bit after Christmas. One of my stepkids had hollered my name and said that my apartment was on fire. From there, the Red Cross came out to see me and my family. They put us in a room for a couple of days. Then I was homeless from 2006 to July 2007.

Isaac J

So during this time, did anybody help you?

Ms. H

The Red Cross helped me the first time. Friends In Deed really was a great help. Let me see. Who else? I can't remember. I think Friends In Deed gave me the most help. The Foothill Unity Center helped me out. After that I was on my own . Family and friends after that at that point.

Isaac J

During this time, how did you spend your days?

Ms. H

Looking for a place everyday. Everyday [I was] at the library, mostly looking for a place because I didn't think I was going to be able to get my place back–the one that was caught on fire. The incident report from the fire department did say it was accidental. So I was eventually able to move back into my apartment in July of ‘08. But in the meantime, the apartment complex I was renting from did not want me back in the complex. They had a personal vendetta against me. They never would answer my phone call. I finally got in touch with some guy named [JB] from the NAACP. I was able to get back to my apartment when he called. Five days later, I got certification papers to move out of the apartment. When that happened, I got a lawyer. His name was [PC]. Yes, his name was [PC]. They settled and dropped the eviction notice. Then I was able to stay, but they still were trying to get me out.

I went to the hospital in 2009 because I got sick. For some reason, they served eviction papers, but I never received them, so they were able to kick me out. I stayed there for 20 years but they were able to kick me out because I didn't comply with the eviction letter. So I was homeless at that point from 2009, on the streets again. I was back and forth from the hotel to staying at my mother's house, back and forth, back and forth.

I finally got a call from Section 8 in September 2010. In August of 2014, the lady I was renting from told me she was losing the place. We didn't find a place in time. I lost my Section 8 and then we were homeless again in August 2014.

Then I found a place in Palmdale. I was there for two years. In 2016, we got evicted because my income decreased. From 2016 to 2020, we were homeless again. I called 211 but they didn't help me. They kept saying they had no funding. I called the Unity Center. They were not able to help me. My husband had a medical condition and he ended up getting really ill. I called another organization but they kept saying the same thing, “There's no funding.” Finally they were able to get us on the list but they were still telling me they didn’t have a place for us to stay. So mind you, it was really cold at this time. It was snowing in Palmdale at the time. They still told us they had no place for us to stay. Then my husband became really sick. He just got out of the hospital. They would give me a room, and they would take it back.

Then my daughter convinced me to move back to Pasadena, and that's why I came back to Pasadena. That was in 2020. The Union Station helped me and put me in a place in 2020 and that is the place where I'm at now.

Isaac J

That must have been a very hard time for you. It's great to hear that you have stable housing now. What were the biggest challenges that you encountered?

Ms. H

At one point there was nobody helping us. I felt that we were being discriminated against because nobody was helping. They all told me there was no funding, but I would walk into these organizations and here they were helping the Hispanic people before they would help me. Our family was kind of large, with two adults and four children, so I understand that. At the same time, my husband had a medical condition, and he was really sick. We were out there, asking for help for a long time from this organization but we still didn't get any help. So that was challenging for me because I was the head of the house. My husband was sick, so I had to be the one to be out there searching and searching, searching and grinding, trying to make ends meet.

We would go to a hotel every first of the month, and then when our money would run out, we'd be back on the streets again. That was a challenge for me because it was me doing all the work. Every few weeks, my husband would be sick and be back in the hospital because he couldn’t breathe. So then I had to pick up. I had to still grind, and doubled up even harder because I got 4 kids. We went to Carl's Jr’s for dinner, used their bathroom every night and every morning to brush their teeth, washed their face and stuff, before going to school. We would go to the library. That's how we would do it everyday.

Everyday I was looking for a place to live. The places were too expensive for me to afford. It got to the point where I thought we would be living out that way for the rest of our lives. I couldn't afford the places at that time and my mental state was going up and down, up and down. But I still had to hold it down because I got 4 kids and my husband to look out for. It was really challenging for me, really challenging.

Isaac J

You said that you found housing in 2020. How are the conditions now?

Ms. H

Anything is better than the street. It is supported housing through Union Station. If I ran out of certain things, they might have them at the office, and they would help me out. They truly helped me out. They are truly the lifesaver for me and my family.

Isaac J

That's wonderful to hear. What are some things you would like people to know about homelessness?

Ms. H

If it's you by yourself with a companion, that's kind of different than when you have children. There had been times when we were sleeping in the car, someone came and started to break into the car, not knowing we were in there. It's really hard for me to tell somebody else to stay strong because it really is hard. You don't ever know who's coming, and you have to look out. I had to stay up all the time while I let [the children] sleep because just in case, someone might try to break into the car. You have to be careful because you don't ever know what you're gonna come up against.

You have to watch how you entertain strangers. People even discriminated against us because of the way we looked. I went to churches and they told me that I didn’t need assistance because of the way I looked. A lot of these organizations said I didn't need the money, that I was there playing. I don't have time to be playing with anybody when it comes to me and my family. Who has time to be playing games like that? Who is going to lie about being homeless, especially when you have kids? I've been through a lot with some people. There was a Congress lady. She thought I was lying and came to find out. Then she gave us money.

For me, it's hard to say to homeless people, “You guys stay strong,” because it's really hard [to be in that situation]. You get judged and you feel a certain way about yourself. It took a toll on me because before all this happened in my life, I was the person everybody looked up to and respected. Everybody wanted to be like me. So when I was down, it's like I lost a lot of that. I felt like I let a lot of people down, especially my kids because I didn't fight, since I'm a fighter, I'm not a quitter. I felt as though I was a coward and my mental state started trying to step out.

I was trying to stay strong because without your mental health, without your mental mind, there's no way you can survive out there. You gotta have your mind for strength. It has to be focused. If you can’t be focused, you can lose your mind being homeless. In my situation I almost lost it because I honestly thought life was over for me and my family.

It wasn't a self pity thing. It was just what it was. You know how much I had to pay? For an apartment or a studio, it was $2500 a month. At that time, I couldn’t afford that. I had no job. I felt like I was just useless. So it's hard for me to tell somebody what to do and how to do it.

I can tell you this, though. When you go to organizations, you have to stand your ground. Because if you just sit there, they're gonna walk right over you like you aren’t even there. So if you sit there and accept that, that's what you are gonna get. You're gonna sit there forever. But it got to the point that I said, no, you're gonna stop this with me and my family. That's how I was able to get the hotel and the Union Station paid for me a hotel for like 8 months. You have to stand up for yourself. If you don't do that, man, you're gonna be in the back of the bus for however long it was to get home. You gotta speak up for yourself.

Isaac J

That sounds really difficult. How did you find the motivation to keep on pushing forward?

Ms. H

My husband was on dialysis. Every other week he was getting sick. He was getting sicker and sicker, and then it was like maybe twice a week when he was getting like that. I just didn't know what to do. I had to just really pray. I had to pray. I told God to please bless me with a place. I promise I'll give back. And that's what I really want. That's what I'm aiming for right now. Giving back to help the community. So I'm trying to get involved in doing that.

If you really want something, you gotta get out and get it. I just have to keep praying and not let that negativity get to me. [There were times when] I was like, we're gonna never have a place to stay, and that was negativity I should never use. But it's honest though to feel that way. Look how long I've been homeless. Look how many times I've been homeless.

People really do judge you by the way you're dressed and the way you look. I thought that that would never happen to me. Being the person I used to be, I would never think people would do that, but people really do judge you by the way you look. I swear they do.

Not every homeless person comes in with no teeth in their mouth. Not every homeless person comes in smelling. You don't mean that I can't be homeless just because I ain't got no missing teeth. You don’t mean that I can't be honest about being homeless just because I don't stink. I'm telling you it's really a double standard when it comes to this. Like I said, you have to really stand up for yourself.

The motivation part is just like I said, asking God, “Please, you gotta do this for me because I just made that promise. Because you know, you do this for me, I promise I will help others.” So that's the direction I'm pointing at now. To help others, you really have to have a strong mind. Your mind has to be really, really strong to get through it because of all the pressure.

I really felt responsible for my kids because if it weren’t for me, my kids would not be going to Carl’s Jr for the bathroom everyday and every night before we went to bed or when we woke up to brush their teeth, to wash their face. I really felt like a disgrace to my kids. But I had to keep on going everyday. I could never let them see that side of me [going down], or let them see me cry. I had to just keep moving on, keep going strong, just keep on with my faith.

Isaac J

That is very powerful. Are there any questions that I didn't ask that you would like to address?

Ms. H

If there is anything that you would like to know, you can always call me and I can always give you an answer. I’m all for that. So maybe not today. You might think of it tomorrow. I'm willing to do that. I'm just glad that you did this for me. I feel honored that you did that.

Isaac J

Thanks so much for taking the time to have this interview with me.

Ms. H

No problem, anytime, anytime.

Isaac J

Good luck with your podcast. It’s really good to hear that everything is going better now.

Ms. H

It's getting there. It's getting there.

Isaac J

Again, thanks for talking to me and. Hope everything goes well and have a great evening.

Ms. H

You too. You too, anytime. Thank you.

Isaac J

Thank you.